Said my husband as he left for work. We are going on our sixth year of marriage and are just starting to “argue well”. And that is a skill my friends, a long journeyed, part torment filled, part relief filled, journey. In the beginning you don’t really fight. You talk, get to know, hold hands, hopefully laugh, have fun and enjoy going out on the town together. That first kiss, that first touch, that first, hmm could this really be going somewhere? You meet families, you make small plans, you stick around for a while. And yes, you begin to argue here and there. You start to realize that you are two very different people with heads filled with very different opinions, views, ways of living. But somehow you come back to each other- after the differences you both still seem to fit. Then you step up your relationship whether for you it’s a move in together, an engagement or finally a marriage. You become quite serious and the everyday things start to become bigger things…living with this completely different person than you! There are tiny battles, epic battles, battles that last forever and battles that somehow get tossed aside. Those beginning fights can be rough because you are still learning how the other person thinks. It’s pulling back all of the layers or words and actually figuring out what the person is actually saying, or is needing or is asking for. That can take time to clear through all of that, ahem, bull%^&*. But it’s worth it right?
We are getting better at arguing. A funny thing to say. It’s healthy, it’s alright and it teaches our kids that it’s ok to disagree, it’s how you handle that disagreement that matters. I’m ok with my kids hearing us argue as long as we argue fairly and with a current of kindness flowing beneath us.
“Nice arguing with you”
“Nice arguing with you too”.